do i even believe that myself? somewhat.
it really has been nearly four months since i've written in my blog. and while i have been busy, at times more than i bargained for, the reality is that i didn't think i had anything interesting about which to write.
i've been telling myself that all my creative juices are spent on the script i'm writing when in fact i've just been censoring myself. bad thing to do. one of the biggest wastes of my intelligence has been creating reasons why i shouldn't do things, when in fact if i stopped wasting time doing the said activity, i probably would not be so busy.
over the holidays, i caught up with my cousin yishun who is a fantastic writer; we had been communicating sporadically with an email here and there. with just a few words, she was able to convince me to write about whatever. n'importe quoi.
so back to this evil of censoring oneself. i remember now that it was a topic in my improv class a few months ago. we are all constantly obsessed with the concern (sometimes even fear) of not being funny enough, smart enough, pretty enough, important enough, that we don't allow ourselves to just be enough and do enough.
just like michael dorsey. or is it dorothy michaels? remember who they are? yes, from the movie "tootsie," which i just watched for the very first time this evening. a one-sentence synopsis to refresh your memory: michael dorsey, played by dustin hoffman, can't get a job as an actor, so he auditions for a role in a soap as the actress dorothy michaels. consequently, he discovers himself (herself?) through the eyes of a woman.
so were they the eyes of a woman or a man? good question, and that's exactly my point. we all define ourselves as who we are supposed to be, and as a result, we miss numerous opportunities to explore what we initially believed impossible. dorothy allowed herself to be a woman, to think like a woman - no longer must she watch baseball with a beer in one hand and scratching her crotch with the other (is that a stereotypical straight male image?), or, or... okay, i can't think of another such image at the moment.
i'm not saying that i'll put on a dress tomorrow morning to embrace my feminine side; i'm saying that i want to challenge myself to do certain things and to express certain thoughts which i previously thought would make me appear weak, stupid, ugly, poor, boring, unsophisticated, smelly, uncool, or all of the above. uhhh.... smelly? n'importe quoi.
so i expect you all to check back here often, because i am interesting, what i write is interesting, and that's that.
