I've been back in San Francisco for three weeks, and I've done such a fantastic job of getting resettled that it's feeling as if I never left. I need to rediscover that positive energy and curiosity that come so easily while traveling.
A couple of nights ago I had dinner with a fascinating guy named Alan. His life is one that appears in books, movies, or dreams. After college, he wanted to get away from his life, so he went to New Zealand and lived and worked there for a year. While driving from Missouri to San Diego, he stopped by Flagstaff because he had seen pictures of its beauty. He ended up staying for over six months. He has lived in Kenya, Hawaii, and Hong Kong. Oh, and he routinely runs marathons and participates in iron man competitions. Sitting across from him, I felt as small as the unsatisfying piece of fish on my sandwich.
I told Alan that I too have aspired to stay in Cambodia to volunteer at the Angkor Hospital for Children and in Thailand at Elephant Nature Park to devote myself to caring for those less fortunate, but my work and various responsibilities back at home prevent me from making such a drastic turn in my life. The problem, he quickly pointed out, was the word "but." How often have we made a statement about wanting to do something, then followed it with but? "But" is the enemy of reaching one's goals and dreams. Next time, follow that aspiring desire with "and" - more specifically, I want to do xyz, and I can make it happen by doing abc. That little "and" changes everything, doesn't it?
And what is it that drives us ordinary people to fantasize about a different life in a foreign country and to admire those with the courage to do so? My theory is that we all want to disappear sometimes - disappear from our current life or our future, destined life. The problem is that we don't know if and where we will reappear, hence the dilemma and hesitation. How will I support myself? Will I find another job? What do I do with all that I own (which really isn't very much to begin with)?
These questions and anxiety about the future are what prevents us from charging toward our present. It will take great effort to rewire my brain from the "but" to the "and" attitude. It might even require some intense therapy.
And do I know of a good therapist?
