Silly, really. Just can't get some issues out of my mind. I keep asking myself - why, why, why. And, of course, I might as well be asking a worm since no answers came. (Why a worm, you ask? Well, I was going to say a tree at first, but I do believe that some trees are magical and will reply like the one in Pocahontas, whereas no one has ever heard a worm talk back, right? But I digress.) I'm troubled by affairs of the heart, you see, and as some of you who are more experienced in such matters would likely tell me as I so wisely inform you that I got no answers: no, duh!
This afternoon, I took my mind full of unanswerable questions and a heart leaden with anger and jealousy and took them along to the Café de Soleil to work on episode 13 of my script. There, without my cello, the internet, the TV, or my noisy upstairs neighbor to distract me, I sat and wrote for over three hours. I got 15 minutes of the script done. In case you're wondering, that was excellent.
On my way home, I felt a slight relief. Perhaps I unloaded some of my angst on a character, or maybe I transferred my jealousy onto another. I don't know; I felt a bit better.
Notting Hill was on tonight. For me, it's one of those movies that I don't mind watching over and over, at least some parts of it - mostly the group dinner scenes - they're full of... well, life. One of its characters said this to me: don't take it personally. There is no rhyme or reason in life. No one knows why some things work out and some things don't, why some of us get lucky and some of us don't.
Some of you may disagree. You might tell me that everything happens for a reason, although that reason isn't always revealed to us. Or you may say it's all karma - every action is a reaction to something either in this life or a previous one.
That doesn't work for me. Because you see, I'm one of those people who would obstinately search for that reason now, however elusively, no matter if it is meant to arrive in 30 minutes, 30 years, or 30 lifetimes.
And that's why no rhyme or reason works better for me. I don't know why some things work out and some things don't, why some of us get lucky and some of us don't.
It all ends up the same way anyway. The world doesn't work differently just because you believe it to. But I do.
And that's what's important.
